It’s almost Christmas, and I’m sure the world could use a few laughs right now. Unfortunately, I only have a collection of bad Christmas jokes. So, set your Christmas humour bar really low – no, lower than that – and enjoy these festive season jokes.
My Christmas Humour Credentials
Why should you come to me for your bad jokes for Christmas? Am I qualified to deliver the best worst jokes? Yes! Yes I am!
As you can see in this long-ago photo, I survived several years with sparsely decorated Christmas trees, where the featured ornaments were scary Santa faces, made by my great grandma.
Those inspired Tim Burton’s Nightmare Before Christmas, I’m pretty sure! This close-up photo gives you a better look at its creepy face.
Even my Christmas pyjamas were hilarious, like the mismatched top and bottom in this ensemble, with a fancy undershirt sticking out in the middle. Stylish!
Also, I survived a Christmas encounter with this hangover-face Santa, at my Dad’s office party one year. So the answer is “Yes”, I’m well qualified to bring you these terrible, awful, unashamedly bad Christmas jokes.
Bad Christmas Jokes
If those scary Santas haven’t scared you away yet, maybe these bad Christmas jokes will!
Joke #1
- Q: Where does Santa stay when he goes on vacation?
- A: At fancy ho-ho-hotels!
Joke #2
- Q: Where does Frost the Snowman keep his money?
- A: In the snow bank!
Joke #3
- Q: Why is it so cold on Christmas Day?
- A: Because it’s celebrated in Decembrrrr!
Joke #4
- Q: Why did Santa take an umbrella on Christmas Eve?
- A: Because Mrs. Claus said, “It looks like rain, dear!”
Joke #5
- Q: Why are parents happy after the kids go to be on Christmas Eve?
- A: Because it’s finally a Silent Night!
Joke #6
- Q: What do you call a snowman who moves into your house?
- A: A puddle!
Joke #7
- Q: What did Ebenezer Scrooge’s sheep say?
- A: Baaaa Humbug!
Joke #8
- Q: What does Santa eat after dinner?
- A: Orna-mints!
Joke #9
- Q: Why were Santa and Mrs. Claus wearing fancy clothes?
- A: They were going to the Snow Ball!
Joke #10
- Q: What games were the reindeer playing?
- A: Truth or deer!
Joke #11
- Q: What is Santa’s favourite song?
- A: “Blue Christmas” by Elfish Presley!
Joke #12
- Q: What is Santa’s 2nd favourite song?
- A: “Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town” by Spruce Springsteen
Joke #13
- Q: Where do you go when you need a Christmas tree?
- A: You go Christmas chopping!
Joke #14
- Q: What did one Christmas candle say to the other?
- A: Lighten up!
Joke #15
- Knock, knock!
- Who’s there?
- Olive
- Olive who?
- Olive the other reindeer!
Video: Bruce Springsteen – Santa Claus is Comin’ To Town
As a reward for getting through all the bad Christmas jokes, here’s Bruce Springsteen, singing, “Santa Claus is Comin’ To Town.”
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Jay’s Bad Jokes for Christmas
